Stage Banter & Comedy

I Pledge Allegiance to the Kidz

I pledge allegiance to the kidz
Of the united states of plutonium.
And to the rocking for which they stand
One nation under Rod, invisible
With liberty and justice for all...white males ages 18 to 32

Between Songs

On Love: "Deep Fry: This song goes out to all the girls I've ever stalked. And I think I know who you are."

On Philosophy: "Nietzsche once said, 'without music, life would be a mistake.' However, much the same could be said of suicide/Bob Saget/ALF."

Flying Safety: "We are now preparing for takeoff, so please fasten your seatbelts and return your seats and tray tables to their upright position. After we reach cruising altitude, the captain will turn off the seatbelt light and you will be free to move about the cabin. This is a no smoking flight and tampering with the lavatory smoke detectors is prohibited by law."

On Material Enlightenment: "I've decided to embrace a life of material enlightenment and cast off the chains of the spiritual world."

The Plutonium Kidz Album Ad

"Are you mentally handicapped? Yeah, me, too. Being retarded, most music produced by the industry today is way over my head. Ambiguous lyrical content full of confusing symbolism and too many musical notes just make me want to go to the grocery store, touch people inappropriately and generally make people uncomfortable. So I've never really found a CD that didn't exceed my prerequisite quantity of intellectual content... Until now. The Plutonium Kidz LP, Radioactive Moonflower, contains just the asininity I need to get these Velcro shoes a tappin'!"